Monday, December 16, 2013

Of easy exits




You‘re failing yourself:
Just falling through space.
Nothing to grasp-
It‘s a last escape.

If you don‘t even try
It‘s like wriggling out
From the tight spot
You don‘t care about.

Then no one can say
It was right or wrong;
They can‘t judge your value
If you never perform.

And if knowledge is power
And ignorance bliss,
You can never have either,
You‘re just caught in the midst.

Between twilight and sunrise,
Between darkness and light
And if nothing comes of it
You can still say „I tried“.

And who could contradict you?
Who could ever negate,
When it seemed like such effort,
Well you skillfully played.

Because acting is easy,
Whereas action is hard.
Because work must come second
To an instant reward.

So you‘ll hover forever
And you‘ll never touch ground,
Not one thing or the other,
Always destiny-bound.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Altering the Universe

The world folds onto itself.
Colors change shade as light bends.
The tide pulls out then falls in.
One thing ends and another begins.

We weave with intricacy,
our stories aside of literacy,
our knowledge and intentions,
each a thread for expansion.

And if ever there should be a mistake,
we can nip, tuck, remake.
It's not so difficult, or adverse;
Altering the Universe.   

Via E. Jenner




I stood at the door
of a place that was home,
touched the cool metal
and like memory foam
it bent to my fingers
their imprint was made
and even with all of the years
gone to waste:

It's story is capsuled,
enclosed in my skin,
It's etched in the rocks,
it's carried within
and knowing our future-
the end that awaits-
it makes it that easier
to let go of it's gates.

Material things,
both mortal and not,
we must be contented
with the time we have got.
A farewell to my childhood,
the shelter I had,
the place that once was
the roof over my head.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Foster the insanity



Oh you‘ve gotten comfy under my skin
And I don‘t ever remember letting you in
You hide in the corners of my mind
Niggling away until you rob me blind

Sweet syrup, stick to me
Make me what you think I should be
I’m so much better with you here
I can almost disappear

I can hear your whispered words
vicious taunts are meant to spur
I know you don’t mean to hurt
All the world becomes a blur

Sweet syrup, Valentine
Seep into my broken mind
I’m so much better with your lies
I taste hell in paradise

Can’t remember being myself
We don’t need anyone’s help
You’ve taken to that leather belt
Your words they sting me, leaving welts


Sweet syrup, sanity
Break my heart and make me bleed
I’m so much better with this need
I can almost disappear.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Who was the one bleeding?



Suppose we all leave a little blood in our wake
You sure left yours in my trail
But who was the one bleeding?
And I used that little charm-bracelet you gave me
To etch new worlds
Into the palm of my hand
Always hoping to find you there
But you were long gone.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Wave the Flag

Half the time you spend on the ground
Shouting at ghosts without making a sound
Eyes glazed from the effort of trying to cry
You can‘t fathom why your eyes are still dry

Sometimes on long summer evenings
You trick your brain into believing
Maybe tomorrow you can give up hope
But you've been hanging at the end of that rope for so long

What does it matter if you can‘t let go?
Who is going to be able to tell?
Your life is a figment of a figure in hell
And if nothing changes you‘ll take your leave
But somehow you can‘t make yourself believe that you will

Hope is always the last thing to die
It hangs like a lone white rag waving in the sky
It‘s a desolate vision in the rubble of life
It hurts to see something good dirtied
in the midst of ruins and lies

But there‘s no good left except for this illusion
A thread, a fiber, to battle the final conclusion
And if the concrete has made its way into your heart
And if everything life threw your way has rendered you hard
Then isn't it time to give up everything else?
Hope is no more than an excuse for living shells.


Saturday, September 7, 2013

The Love of Yesterday

We always say things like “forever“
As if we know what‘s meant to be
And you could tell me I‘m no better
Even if my ears would bleed
I know you‘re right:

People change
And in a wave
You‘ve become the love of yesterday.

16 years is young to settle
My heart was always stubborn though
And I spent years of worthless battles
Trying to not get over you
I know you‘re right:

People change
And in a wave
You‘ve become the love of yesterday

All the pains I took to overlook what everyone could see
All the work I gave, the ways I paved to give a piece of me
Today has been a long time coming
Let me retract my once sworn loving

And you were right, cause people change
And in a wave
You are the love of yesterday

And maybe now I‘m free to say
I used to love you vehemently
Cause in a wave
You are the love of yesterday.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

No one Loves the Bitch

Her smile is something else
A fresh take on a song that sells
That catchy tune you hum all day
The right word that you needed to say

Her eyes are bright stars
The cherry of your cig from the side window of your car
Fireflies in the dusk skies
Pools of light gathered to reflect the bright

Her timing is all wrong
Like alternating rhyme-styles within the same song
Like stepping in a car to get out of the rain
Only to crash, burn and die in the flames

You get too much of what you wanted
And too much of what you don‘t
But you can‘t help getting started
You already feel the jones

She‘s the hook on the end of the line
Crooked like a criminal mastermind
She doesn‘t mean harm but she‘s a wreckingball
Can‘t help her purpose, she must obey the call
 
And you love it, you love every breath
Every second spent to scrape the fun out of her yet
All the good stuff you could get
And you‘re a greedy kid and she‘s the long end of the stick

But you will never win this bet
Ten years pass fast and you can‘t hold on to shit.
And you can‘t forgive and forget
You want what you want but you‘ll never admit

She‘s like metaphoric rain
You‘re a balmy breeze
She‘s a hurricane gone insane
So forget your silent pain
You‘re in luck if she even remembers your name

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Whispers the Wind

Your violence was ever present
underneath the surface
I never quite escaped the way
you always made me nervous

The Earth, she told me: "Let it go"
but I could never listen
Your howls were pounding at my door
demanding our submission

I was a clever straw
in bending but not breaking
but Earth, she never quite foresaw
her plates would soon be shaking

And your oppressing whispers
slid through crevices and cracks
and we could waste our wishes
but we'll never get it back

That picture of perfection
that your thrumming words once drew
it was never our reflection
cause our version's always skewed

It gripped our mind, for her and I
we wanted you around
but you only knew one way in life
and it wasn't on the ground

And to this day I bend my mind
to capture the lost meaning
of painful wounds the Earth still hides
and dreams I don't believe in.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

It Stems from Fear

She is the same she's always been
a scandalous wreck-
chaotic dream
she stumbles, she slips
she blows off steam
she loses her grip
a lot it seems

She's fighting a battle
a losing war
(though who ever wins a war?)
She trips over how she can raise the bar
it's nothing, it's alright,
it's nothing at all

And who would have known
the mark was set
to heights where no human
is bound to get
cause even by standards
of normal men
she's failing,
she's breaking at the stem.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Nofish

If I were a onefish,
it wouldn't be so bad,
to swim along alone
on the paths the twofish tread.

If I were a twofish,
I'm sure that I could find-
another kindred twofish
to share the same mind.

But no, you'll never find me
treading the same ponds,
swimming in the waters
of which twofish are so fond.

And you won't see me splashing
around in the same lakes
where onefish live so happily
despite their lack of mates.

Instead you'll find me dreaming
up on their grassy banks,
on every ivory coast,
near the oceans- on the lands.

You'll find me watching gladly
as all the fish swim by.
You'll find me being thankful
for the way I lead my life.

For twofish may be happy-
and onefish may be glad,
but being' nofish at all
is the best life ever had.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

A Vortex in the Dark

There's a vortex in the dark

    and you can hear the noise it makes, all shhhhuuuu-sccchhhuuuusshhh, like sanding iron.
Feels like it's going to suck you in.
And you wait in that darkness, hoping that it will evade you, that maybe this time it won't suck you in and swirl you around its big wet mouth like an almost-silent hurricane.
     You wait and you fear and when you can't feel that fear anymore you realize that you are already caught in that warm wet storm, that suction of silence and barely-there-sounds that lap at your muted senses.
     The vortex is pulling you in, the warm rain is seeping through your cold skin. The wind is mercilessly whipping at your body, tearing apart the infrastructure cell-by-cell.
     Until there's nothing left of you.
Except you're THERE.
You're still whole.
Still untouched.
And you wonder, but you know it's not, if this is really all in your head?

Sunday, February 3, 2013

To Time



Time is a slow thing
but it ticks away,
counting in closer
as it goes its way.
Seconds become minutes
wasted in the past.
It's a steady river
but the water changes fast;
Things right now,
they won't ever last.

Holding on tighter
won't change a thing.
Time still moves on
and so does everything.
People and places
you love and know,
they won't be the same
the day after tomorrow.

Park your car here:
lets slip away,
I can feel time beating
and I must obey.
I'm bent under the rules
of nature's law-
If I try to escape
I'll be nothing at all.

Lets run, lets run,
lets change the tide.
Lets run to yesterday
and change the time.
You know they say
rules were made to break
If I don't obey
can I get what I take?

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Break the Glass



I remember this one time when my cousin came to visit me and we hadn’t seen each other in what seemed like ages, yet somehow we picked up from where we had left off as if no time or space had ever separated us. 

I was writing a lot back then, much more than I have time or purpose to do now. I used to carry this blue book around with me, it had a hard cover which was smooth and cool to the touch and I used to love just to pick it up and feel its weight in my hands knowing that it held something like 90% of the person I was inside of it. No one ever bothered about it and I liked it that way. I’ve never been too keen on letting people read what I write, that’s just a recent development.

 Except this one time. I was writing, or you could say, mindlessly chewing on my pen while I tried to put something unfathomable on paper and she straight up just asked me if she could read it. I’m not a trusting person in general but her I trust. Not unconditionally but it’s a trust I have learned to allow on most occasions. She has worked pretty hard to earn it. So, I let her read it.   

A long discussion ensued about the contents of that book, a lot of which was personal and will not be repeated to any living soul, but the part of the conversation that blew me away was when I explained to her the feeling behind a lot of the poetry I wrote: The frustration of being stuck in the same place, the sense of never connecting with other people, the feeling of being constantly judged. I described it as being stuck inside of one of those little plastic tunnels people buy for hamsters to run around in. 

I told her this whole town (my home town) feels like everyone is stuck in their own little hamster tunnel and most of them don’t even seem to mind it. Never getting through, running from one place to the next, being observed and judged and doing the same to others. 

It was during this conversation that I first tasted the feeling of being at least marginally understood. Because she asked to borrow my book and wrote in it something like a one-page text, which I will not repeat all of but I will quote my favorite line: “It takes strength to break the wall” in the context of her text I remember she was talking about the glass wall in my little tunnel. It made perfect sense to me, there has to be a way to get through. There has to be some method of breaking that glass wall.

Monday, January 14, 2013

A longer break

Shorter words. They will stab you. Like shards of something cold and smooth. Words like OK, Okay? Oh Key? Is that even a word? Shorter words that can still be powerful like no or yes. That can decide a fate. Words that can categorize. Bad. Good. Us. Them. Someone said: long words are not necessary. And again: TLDR. But they can be pretty. I'd rather let pretty words break me. I can be persnickety like that. 

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Chasing horror


Masses of words lie jangled.  Tied in with your paranoia.  Thickly woven into the fibrous substance of your thoughts.  Your  mind reeks.  The sweet putrid scents of opulent ideas overcome it‘s every corner.  Fear is for the living.  Gelid showers trill down your crooked spine.  In raising yourself it makes a sound like a brittle ancient book being reopened one last time, then cast away.  You‘re in pursuit.  Your ugly eyes  trained on their prey.  A yellow glint in a thick forest.  Amber on a vicious green.  The cold smoke of your breath caught in your throat is only an afterthought. 

You still pounce.