Wednesday, March 16, 2016

An air of discomfort

The air tastes metallic
Everything is grey
It‘s not the sting it used to be
Not the evil bite of frost
But a hint of cold tinges what you‘re breathing

Your heart is racing, like your mind,
As if they were competing
Trying to reach an end
Only an end
would result in your destruction

So you suck in the air
Taste it‘s humid metal on your lips
Try so hard to force down
Whatever it is that‘s stuck between your ribs
A heart
A breath
Who knows.

Rushing adrenaline
Makes your blood thunder in your ears
Why does it always have to be so hard?
For once, for once, wouldn't it be nice?
Wouldn't it be lovely if for once
Everything could just fall into place
As if touched by a magic hand?

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Childhood Sociopath

Back when we used to gather after school
And shoot some hoops or even pool
And you let me wear your hoodie
Cause even though we were ‘Just friends’
Everyone would know to keep their hands off

Because back then we were everything and nothing
And I think I told you no so many times, you knew I was bluffing
You always swore you’d wait until one day I’d break
But it seems my ability to outlast and outstay you
Really kept me the winner
That line is getting thinner

Back when we used to walk in the frost
And you’d take some perverse joy in the mere thought
That you could crush my frozen fingers with yours
And pretend that the pain was for a greater cause

Because back then we were everything and nothing
And I told you to fuck off far too fucking often
But you always swore you’d wait until one day I’d break
But you never really counted on a silly thing like fate
It kept me the winner
That line’s been getting thinner

Back when I wrangled the truth from you
In choked out sobs
Because my childish cruelty could never get enough
Not enough of you and being drunk on my power
And how I could still hurt you after your love turned sour

Because back then we were still everything and nothing
And I go back there in my mind ever so often
Just to visit that place
Of a comfy status quo
Just to find out what I already know
I will never be able to do as you
There’s one thing I love
And my ego gets bruised
So I set you on fire
And I played with the flames.
Whenever you fight back
It just means I win.

Monday, February 1, 2016

Slippery Slopes

Slipping again
Time and space evade my grasp
Falling like rain
Never imagined it would last
But every time I try to count on something
It reveals itself as nothing

Slipping again
Nothing to hold on to here
Runaway train
Catapult through time and space
Try to pretend like you‘ll be able to stop
Like your fingers will ever dig in deep enough

Slipping again
They removed the safety net
From under the brain
Was that their safest bet?
Try to just act like it‘s not such a mess
Like your mind isn‘t splattered all over the grass

Slipping again
Oh you know
I‘m just slipping again. 

Saturday, January 9, 2016

She was Dear to me

I want to follow you into the darkness
My dear friend
I want to step in those same footsteps
That have taken you there
I want to breathe the same air
The stale and stagnant molecules
I want to follow you into the darkness
My dear friend

Two dark eyes
So void of any life
You were gone long before you ever died

I want to follow you into the darkness
My sweet soul
I want to step into those same footsteps
The ones that you chose
I want to breathe in the dry dust
And choke on the musk
I want to follow you into the darkness
My sweet friend

It hurt not to know
If the choice was truly yours
But you promised so many times that you would shut those doors

And I want to follow you into the darkness
My dear
I want to step into those same footsteps
Without a hint of fear
I want to suck in the air
And forget that we are there
I want to follow you into the darkness
My dear

Oh they say there is a lot that we don‘t know
But I felt that searing pain before they ever told me so
They say it could all have been a sad mistake
But you told me so many times; the steps that you would take...

And I want to follow you into the darkness
My darling
I want to step in your tracks
And never get back
I want to follow you into the darkness
My sweetness
I would carry you on my back
Further into the dark
And we‘d never have to look back

We‘ll never have to look back
Please can I follow you into the dark?

Thursday, January 7, 2016

To Band Boy on His Birthday

How do you want me today?
If you‘re good to go, I‘m ready to play.
If the last years have been any indication
It‘s not that hard to find your inclination

Just smudge me out and fill in what you want
The way you rasp “I love you” is the cruelest taunt

How do we do this, this time?
I can stake the claim, baby “mine”
It’s just a word and it tastes so right
Up against your skin, makes your head light.

Just smudge me out and fill in what you want
The way you cry “I hate you” is the sweetest taunt

So tell me if you’re ready to go
I’ve brought every mask of me you have ever known
I can plead and act like you are cruel
I can be the picture of cool

Just smudge me out and fill in what you need
The way you scream my name is pure greed

And I can never tell, if I’m doing my job well
Until I feel that shiver when your voice swells

And I can never know, If it’s time to let this go
It’s probably been time for longer than I care to know…

Just smudge me out and fill in what you need
I can be whatever just to satisfy your greed.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Destroyer of Worlds

I like to pretend that things unravel on their own
That I fold away the loose ends but they never really hold
I pretend that I‘m a seamstress
When I can‘t sew a stitch
I pretend that I‘m a sweet girl
When really, I‘m a bitch
And with a needle on my thread
I hem up the universe
At least I‘ll have you buying it
Until the second verse
Cause I‘d like to think I‘m trying
But it‘s hard to be so sure
When the yardstick that has mesured all my failures before
Lies broken on the ground and will not measure anymore.
I‘d like to be your savior
I‘d like to be your knight
I‘d like to be a lot of things but I can‘t even fight
You ask me what I am
As if I‘m sure to know
And maybe I‘m supposed to  have an answer fit to show
Please just stop insisting
That I‘m more than what I am
Sometimes definitions take the meaning by the hand.
Hey there, I am girl
It feels nice to say my name
I‘m sure if you forgot it, you‘d still recognize my face
I like watching you unravel
While I pretend to fix
All the little flaws that have lead you up to this.
I told you not to follow me
I told you stay away
The momentary pleasure is just far too much to take
Hi there I am girl
Destroyer of worlds
I‘ve got the needle and the thread, now tell me where it hurts?
I like to pretend that things unravel on their own
That I fold away the loose ends but they never seem to hold
If I can‘t see it coming, then it can‘t be my fault
I‘m not the one who pulls the string to watch as you unfold.

Sunday, January 3, 2016

The Spark That Drives

Oh God, Oh God,
Oh not again
I waited 15 years for this to end
Let go, Let go
Just let it go
But there isn‘t a large enough ammount of snow
To freeze this rush before it starts
I wish I could let go of my heart
Why is it always just one nudge?
It doesn‘t even have to be touch...
Just somekind of recognition
15 years and that‘s still the ignition
The spark, the thing that stutters me alive
The fuse is lit, now fucking DRIVE
But no, no, not that
We‘re just at it again
A samba, a tango and it never ends
You shift to the right and I shuffle to follow
Thought I carved that shit out,
My DAMN CHEST IS HOLLOW?!!
How on Earth do we always get back?
Repetitive roller-coasters
Off of our tracks
It‘s not even surprising anymore
I was seventeen years old when I showed you the door
For the first time
A Rhyme
Oh another
Good times
Seems like all we can muster is write out our lives
I‘m a muse of perfection
You‘re a hero of old
An untouchable deity
Made of marble and gold
And I‘ve sworn to you once and again
“It means nothing unless we’re still friends”
We forget
We move on
And you think it’s all gone
You etch paths in your skin
To let someone  e l s e  in
They can try that…but they’ll never win
We’re the terrible two
Fated destiny twins
Oh god, oh god
Oh god no…not again
I can wait no more lifetimes
For this bullshit to end.