An air of discomfort

The air tastes metallic

Everything is grey

It‘s not the sting it used to be

Not the evil bite of frost

But a hint of cold tinges what you‘re breathing

Your heart is racing, like your mind,

As if they were competing

Trying to reach an end

Only an end

would result in your destruction

So you suck in the air

Taste it‘s humid metal on your lips

Try so hard to force down

Whatever it is that‘s stuck between your ribs

A heart

A breath

Who knows.

Rushing adrenaline

Makes your blood thunder in your ears

Why does it always have to be so hard?

For once, for once, wouldn't it be nice?

Wouldn't it be lovely if for once

Everything could just fall into place

As if touched by a magic hand?

Childhood Sociopath

Back when we used to gather after school

And shoot some hoops or even pool

And you let me wear your hoodie

Cause even though we were ‘Just friends’

Everyone would know to keep their hands off

Because back then we were everything and nothing

And I think I told you no so many times, you knew I was bluffing

You always swore you’d wait until one day I’d break

But it seems my ability to outlast and outstay you

Really kept me the winner

That line is getting thinner

Back when we used to walk in the frost

And you’d take some perverse joy in the mere thought

That you could crush my frozen fingers with yours

And pretend that the pain was for a greater cause

Because back then we were everything and nothing

And I told you to fuck off far too fucking often

But you always swore you’d wait until one day I’d break

But you never really counted on a silly thing like fate

It kept me the winner

That line’s been getting thinner

Back when I wrangled the truth from you

In choked out sobs

Because my childish cruelty could never get enough

Not enough of you and being drunk on my power

And how I could still hurt you after your love turned sour

Because back then we were still everything and nothing

And I go back there in my mind ever so often

Just to visit that place

Of a comfy status quo

Just to find out what I already know

I will never be able to do as you

There’s one thing I love

And my ego gets bruised

So I set you on fire

And I played with the flames.

Whenever you fight back

It just means I win.

She was Dear to me

I want to follow you into the darkness
My dear friend
I want to step in those same footsteps
That have taken you there
I want to breathe the same air
The stale and stagnant molecules
I want to follow you into the darkness
My dear friend

Two dark eyes
So void of any life
You were gone long before you ever died

I want to follow you into the darkness
My sweet soul
I want to step into those same footsteps
The ones that you chose
I want to breathe in the dry dust
And choke on the musk
I want to follow you into the darkness
My sweet friend

It hurt not to know
If the choice was truly yours
But you promised so many times that you would shut those doors

And I want to follow you into the darkness
My dear
I want to step into those same footsteps
Without a hint of fear
I want to suck in the air
And forget that we are there
I want to follow you into the darkness
My dear

Oh they say there is a lot that we don‘t know
But I felt that searing pain before they ever told me so
They say it could all have been a sad mistake
But you told me so many times; the steps that you would take...

And I want to follow you into the darkness
My darling
I want to step in your tracks
And never get back
I want to follow you into the darkness
My sweetness
I would carry you on my back
Further into the dark
And we‘d never have to look back

We‘ll never have to look back
Please can I follow you into the dark?

Destroyer of Worlds

I like to pretend that things unravel on their own

That I fold away the loose ends but they never really hold

I pretend that I‘m a seamstress

When I can‘t sew a stitch

I pretend that I‘m a sweet girl

When really, I‘m a bitch

And with a needle on my thread

I hem up the universe

At least I‘ll have you buying it

Until the second verse

Cause I‘d like to think I‘m trying

But it‘s hard to be so sure

When the yardstick that has mesured all my failures before

Lies broken on the ground and will not measure anymore.

I‘d like to be your savior

I‘d like to be your knight

I‘d like to be a lot of things but I can‘t even fight

You ask me what I am

As if I‘m sure to know

And maybe I‘m supposed to  have an answer fit to show

Please just stop insisting

That I‘m more than what I am

Sometimes definitions take the meaning by the hand.

Hey there, I am girl

It feels nice to say my name

I‘m sure if you forgot it, you‘d still recognize my face

I like watching you unravel

While I pretend to fix

All the little flaws that have lead you up to this.

I told you not to follow me

I told you stay away

The momentary pleasure is just far too much to take

Hi there I am girl

Destroyer of worlds

I‘ve got the needle and the thread, now tell me where it hurts?

I like to pretend that things unravel on their own

That I fold away the loose ends but they never seem to hold

If I can‘t see it coming, then it can‘t be my fault

I‘m not the one who pulls the string to watch as you unfold.

The Spark That Drives

Oh God, Oh God,

Oh not again

I waited 15 years for this to end

Let go, Let go

Just let it go

But there isn‘t a large enough ammount of snow

To freeze this rush before it starts

I wish I could let go of my heart

Why is it always just one nudge?

It doesn‘t even have to be touch...

Just somekind of recognition

15 years and that‘s still the ignition

The spark, the thing that stutters me alive

The fuse is lit, now fucking DRIVE

But no, no, not that

We‘re just at it again

A samba, a tango and it never ends

You shift to the right and I shuffle to follow

Thought I carved that shit out,

My DAMN CHEST IS HOLLOW?!!

How on Earth do we always get back?

Repetitive roller-coasters

Off of our tracks

It‘s not even surprising anymore

I was seventeen years old when I showed you the door

For the first time

A Rhyme

Oh another

Good times

Seems like all we can muster is write out our lives

I‘m a muse of perfection

You‘re a hero of old

An untouchable deity

Made of marble and gold

And I‘ve sworn to you once and again

“It means nothing unless we’re still friends”

We forget

We move on

And you think it’s all gone

You etch paths in your skin

To let someone  e l s e  in

They can try that…but they’ll never win

We’re the terrible two

Fated destiny twins

Oh god, oh god

Oh god no…not again

I can wait no more lifetimes

For this bullshit to end.

Burdens of Flesh and Blood

Your heart, my dear, is a heavy burden;

A heavy burden but you choose to bear it.

The pride is evident when you flaunt your choices.

You take the prerogative to judge,

But don’t judge me my dear, if my heart is light,

So light that it is non- existent.

Your heart, my dear, is a heavy burden;

A burden of flesh and blood: Without respite.

And you’re welcome to bear pride in your own choices.

Just don’t judge those who don’t share your readiness

To suffer.

Carousel of Colors

They've told me: “further away can move you closer.”

 But you’re the farthest you’ve ever been and I don’t feel closer at all.

Maybe it just pertains to this mortal plane,

The place you’ve gone is substantially further— too far.

And why must I spend every day, thinking about it?

Why can’t I just move on like they say I should do?

Because everyone is imaginary,

They’re a spinning carousel and the colors smudge out.

You can grasp a horse’s lip here,

A tail, a rein, some sparkling pearls;

Well the parts are not the whole by far…

None of it makes sense until you stand still.